ISLAM: Shit happens if it is the will of Allah
COMMUNISM: Equal shit happens to all people
CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you are bad
SCIENTOLOGY: Shit happens if you’re on our shit list
ATHEISM: I don’t believe this shit!
NEWAGE: Visualize shit not happening
EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesn’t happen; shit is
BUDDHISM: Shit happens, but pay no mind
HINDUISM: This shit has happened before
JEHOVAH’s WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armageddon

Oh too funny!